Thursday, August 18, 2005
Finally managed some time to blog!
Fyi this is my second similar entry because the window shut by itself while I was blogging. Screw this comp.Hopefully I'd remember.So lemmi think.
Okay,
Schools been tough lately.Not to mention life.
Each day something will surprisingly manage to add on to the stress Im already having which makes it SUCKIER. (wth did i babble just now?It was so bloody long I cant rmber! Whatever I'd start on my own over again)
Im sick and tired of feeling fake and telling myself - shame on you
Everyday I go to school putting on a smile even when I dont feel like it.I change myself to please others,I'd do anything to smile like always when I see my buddies in the morning (lemmi repeat this), EVERYDAY.But what do I get? Crap. What do I get? SHIT. When you have problems,you come to me and tell me and blabber.When you're problems are gone,so are you.Your excuses are so predictable,I know whats coming out of your mouth each time you open it.So save it for another "bestfriend" . At the end of the day, I feel restless.Schools killing me with never ending lessons,you're killing me with urg! Nevermind. Look here MISTER/MISSY my life may seem nice and sweet in your eyes but hell no its not.Its hard trying to juggle studies and trying to be what Im not everytime I put on my school uniform. Its not easy. Feels like half of my spirit gone.I dont think you can ever survive being me.Its so much harder than you think you know.
But still I'd rather being someone else every Mon-Fri if it produces smiles in faces.Why not? Its like a part time job. Very funny yea nabila. Underneath it all,I just want you to know,I have my problems,wayy bigger than yours.So stop acting like you're is so huge. Like the saying goes - If you think you're smart,theres always someone smarter than you.If you think you're rich,theres always someone richer than you. True enough bestfriends dont keep things from each other but maybe its just not me to show and speak up everytime I have a problem within me.Yea for my teeney weeny ones but not yet for my others.Maybe next time.I hate to tell you this but I still feel insecure when Im with you and during our secret sharing sessions.Ive been meaning to tell you this but I know what you're gonna reply to it so I though I'd figure out another alternative by blogging.Hopefully you'll read this and feel the connection from what I wrote for you.
Im so sick of giving my all to the one I'd want to call my bestfriend then being used and left. Maybe this is why I feel insecure to everyone ard me now.I have this fobia of being used over again.
For the other half; PICTURE TIME! say yeay!
The ones that love me for me
I love you babe(s) no matter how cacat/spastic you are. Kwangkwangkwang
SMILE!
This photo is blurry cos Balqis's hand cant stay still! hahah
Together. LOVE.LOVE.LOVE So that marked the end of the entry so I'll try blogging again when I can.Until then.Peace*
dontspeakhardtoexplain at 10:00 PM
